Baa, Baa, Black Sheep - Avery REMIX

Just get to the 45 second mark of this video... that is when things go from cute, to hilarious!

Avery, our little rocker:

In my heart

When I picked up Avery at her sitter Donna's one day this week, Donna said "we had a confusing situation at lunch time today."

Apparently the "situation" was that one of the other girls at Donna's used the Lord's name in vain. Donna had a conversation with the toddler about how she doesn't really want her using the phrase ("Oh my G__") in her house. She said after overhearing the conversation Avery quietly said, "I talk about God at my house." Avery clearly thought she was going to get in trouble by saying this, and Donna then realized that the conversation had been confusing for her. She said, "it's okay to talk about God, I just don't want His name to be used in the wrong way." Donna said Avery looked at her with big eyes and said, "God is in my HEART."

I realize that Ave is only 2 1/2 years old and does not understand the full scope of faith (does anyone?), but the simplicity of these words struck me. There is so much truth in those few words:

God is in MY heart.

I have started a bible study by Beth Moore this month and have been led to scripture about God dwelling in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. We often think about religion in a complicated way, but what we miss at times is the true simplicity of faith. Even when we try to do everything just right, we can miss the crucial step of allowing God in. And what happens when God sets up residency in our hearts? We can do things (through His power) that we absolutely could not do without Him.

I remembered a phrase at church a couple weeks back that had struck me and went on the hunt to look it up in my journal. The worship leader had said, "May we live so extravagantly that the light of the Lord shine through us." On first thought, it does not sounds like something taught in church --- extravagance. But she didn't speak of living extravagantly in a way of having excess materials and worldly items, she spoke about living life with extravagant love. Uninhibited, generous and deep love for others. I want to live like that! How do we fill our hearts with this extravagant love? Beth Moore describes a process of cleansing oneself as a "pouring out," "pouring in," and "pouring forth."

The idea is to pour out the questions and concerns in our hearts (worries, anxieties, fears, insecurities) to God and then to fill our hearts with the Holy Spirit so that all we do, think, and say is a reflection of God's love. If we can do this it will allow us to pour ourselves forth into the world to connect with others and show God's great love in all we do - yes, even in our greatest moments of impulse (which is very, very, very challenging no matter what way you spin it - I seem to feel some form of envy EVERY day, and it will hit me out of nowhere and make me say/think things I don't mean).

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I am weak, and I cave to impulses that are definitely not of the Holy Spirit. But, I am going to start implementing this exercise into my daily life - pour in, pour out, pour forth. It makes me very aware of what I allow in my life and where I tend to falter. I'm going to try to fill up on the "good stuff." I want to respond without questioning - "God is in my heart," and mean it with my WHOLE heart.

Be My Valentine!

Happy Valentine's Day!

All Avery kept saying she wanted was a "heart on my door":

Celebrating with Daddy (coozie-bracelets are all the rage):

Smooches!:

Cheese-errific!:

Hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day!

Kicking and Screaming into 2012

["Wow, almost a week in to this New Year already. I can hardly believe it. And I STILL have to do a Christmas update"] Just to give you perspective on how intensely busy this year has been already, the preceeding sentences were the original beginning of this post. And now it's February! Seriously!? So here are the rest of my thoughts now that I can focus my freak out a bit better than I could then...

Ah, the New Year. Here it is. I’ve been cleaning and purging, making promises to exercise more (anything more than “not at all” seems doable, right?), pledging to do some charitable work this year and to also complete a re-org on how we manage our finances. Blah, blah, blah... in some ways it really doesn’t matter if it all happens like I want it too, but it seems productive to set some reasonable goals. Am I planning any big goals? Sure, I have a few I’m keeping to myself for now as I take it one mini-step at a time. It’s not likely that all three of my "bigger” goals will happen this year, so this is a year of planning and re-prioritizing. Sounds exciting and invigorating. Of course, because I’m somewhat of a people-pleaser and perfectionist, also sounds stressful.

The fact is I’m terrified of letting go. I entered 2012 kicking and screaming. 2011 was the year of Lucy – a year that changed everything for us. A game changer, a life changer. And honestly 2011 was a really, really special year. I was and am holding onto it with all my strength. The more time that goes by, the more I am grasping to it. I don’t know exactly where I think it’s going to go, but somehow it feels like it’s going to evaporate.

My paranoid side thinks people are saying in their heads that for us 2012 has “gotta be better than the last year, right?” (not that anyone has actually said that to me!!!) Maybe it sounds odd to some when I say that I look back on 2011 fondly. Less than six days is all I will know of Lucy in this lifetime yet her life has let me redefine mine in so many ways. Sometimes I find myself being so angry about that. What do you do when you just don't want to be redefined? Yet, when it is forced upon you, you adjust. So, even though I have to leave 2011 as it is (they haven't figured out how to change the past yet, have they?) I'm going to try and get excited about 2012. I know I'm a month and a couple days late, but I will try to stop worrying about changing things or doing things different. I will start building on what I’ve learned to produce positivity and light. I want to use the energy that I put into Lucy (all of the loving and grieving combined) to spread love and possibility, future and hope to other families that may be filled with worry, doubt and fear.

Jeff and I are thinking of some things we can do this year to honor Lucy's life, and to continue weaving her legacy into our future. We need to do this for us as individuals, for our marriage, for Avery... and for others that may be touched by Lucy's light.

If you have any ideas that may help us do just that, we would love to hear them!

Thanks, as always, for your love and support.