Holiday Luminary Service

On December 15th, our family joined several others in a holiday luminary service to honor our babies that we have lost. 

I have gotten to know these amazing women and mothers through a grief journey I never expected to be on. I'm honored to know them and thank God for bringing such special and inspirational women into my life:

Pretty girls dressed in pink as they remember their siblings:

The luminaries:

Many thanks to Shawn for sharing photos and of course for all the set-up and supplies. We were so thankful to have the chance to remember our Lucy with all of you! Our little angels spent Christmas together in heaven. Though our hearts were heavy as we wished they were with us, I feel quite certain that there was a mighty celebration up there.

A Dream

I woke up Sunday morning to a beautiful, moving sky. Pops of pink clouds drifted through the bright blue sky - it looked like like cotton candy. I walked outside alone to take it in and was reminded of God’s smiling spirit and the beauty of His creation... great joy and appreciation fills my heart just thinking about it.

 That same day I had woken up with a dream on my mind that I had dreamt probably a year or so before...

I am rising, rising, up, up. Sights and sounds are indistinguishable. I have no idea what is going on or where I am, but I am feeling comfortable with the sensation. I am floating, light as a cloud. Content.

As I slow down I arrive in a very bright place, filled with light coming from all angles. I wonder how that’s possible. I am blinded by the light – it fills up every shadow, every fold of darkness. I am warm.  I am happy.

Then seemingly from nowhere I see her. She running toward me arms outstretched. A little girl, blonde with ribbons and dress swinging behind her. She runs confidently and surely at ME. As she reaches me with her embrace, I fall to my knees and into her arms. I embrace her back. We are inseparable. My angel, my Lucy, my daughter. I am with her. My heart is full. This is love.

And when I woke up from that dream I knew I had just gotten my first glimpse of what a heavenly reunion with my little girl will be like.

As we approach what I consider is another milestone in my grief process (Lucy would have been 18 months this week), I think back on this dream and seek comfort and peace. Today, Avery who is currently into Cinderella, asked when "her dreams would come true." When I asked her what her dream was she said, "That Lucy would come home with us." I have no idea how she senses these things, but it's like she just KNOWS what I am going through.

Despite the pain, I'm thanking God today for where I've been and where I'm going. I know I can continue to dream big dreams and have the highest of hopes. But most of all I know I am able to find satisfaction in a simple moment and peace in a plan and purpose that is greater than my own.