August and September 2013

I'm so far behind again, but hey I have a newborn and I've been back to work since October 1st. So, you'll forgive me, right? Here are some pictures from August and September, the months I was able to stay home with the kiddos, which was the BEST! :)

Of course it's been fun watching Austin grow and change. I've also been able to appreciate all of the huge changes in Avery. This last year between age 3 and 4 has been so significant. She can really distinguish feelings and emotions and talk about them. She is very reflective and observant and always asks many questions. She also has very specific opinions and needs. I had no idea I'd be learning just as many new things about her as I am about Austin.

Avery performing for us at the park.

Taking up hoops.

She loves him. Like, a lot.

Meeting Grandpa.

Meeting Great-grandma Non.

Avery hanging with Grandpa in St. James.

Austin's first trip to the beach.

Cuddling with Beegee and Non!

Comfy.

Avery's 4 year old appointment. NOT IMPRESSED with getting shots.

Avery's 1st day of TK

Ms. Kathy and Ms. Karen's Class!

Very dramatic duo.

Avery went to Build-A-Bear with my sisters and brought back a unicorn she had named "Rasha con Sasha." I have NO idea where that came from, but Rasha is part of the fam now.

This was from a mommy-Avery date to Menchie's.
Love this little giggle I captured as we ate frozen yogurt and played "I Spy."

Austin's first bottle. He has despised every one since.

I so enjoyed my time home with Austin and Avery for two months. It was amazing. I loved having extra time with Avery to do things like play tea party in the middle of the day... just because.

One of my favorite pictures of our sweet boy.

Avery playing doctor with Austin.

Austin is 2 months old!

He smiles bright eyed gummy smiles.

He coos and crinkles his brow in concentration.

He gets especially mad when you give him raspberries (the kissy kind).

He loves his sister Avery.

He loves to cuddle with mommy but "talks" and laughs more for daddy.

He hasn't figured out a true laugh yet so he just makes a sound like "huh, huh." It's adorable. Trust me on that.

He is not the biggest fan of tummy time.

He started daycare and stressed mommy out by trying to hold out and not drink bottles. Smarty pants thankfully figured out after two days of that it wasn't the wisest of plans.

He's the greatest thing I never knew I needed.

Happy 2 months Austin!

Lucy Love Project 2013

After receiving such a great number of generous donations to support the Lucy Love Project again this year, our timeline was slightly derailed by the arrival of our incredible new baby boy. Austin is an amazing joy in our lives and reminds us once again how precious life truly is. He also reminds me daily of all of the little things I missed with Lucy, and I have been savoring the moments with him in a way I am more acutely aware of now that I have experienced the loss. It's just different. But let's face it - babies are just ridiculously scrumptious to be around no matter what your experience is. He's just...mmmmm. I struggle to find the right words. So sweet. Love him.

So, I can't believe it's October already. Time is flying. But, hey, I assume it just will from now on. Life is such a fine balancing act and I'm trying not to get ahead of myself too much. October is a time for several other major awareness campaigns that I care about and support (like Breast Cancer Awareness for one), but it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's a time when bereaved parents create awareness for a topic that is at times considered taboo or at the very least awkward to talk about.

Infant loss. Excuse my lack of finding a better sentiment for it, but it sucks. Who wants to talk about that?! Yet, I am in this "group" forever and I want to be a voice for other mothers. I'm living a legacy for my baby and part of that is being about to speak about my grief process. This month I'm taking part in CarlyMarie's #CaptureYourGrief project (on Instagram and Twitter) and it's a journey of healing for me. A personal journey, but one that will hopefully be eye-opening and maybe even bring some light to others in the process. Maybe I'll share my images on the blog at the end of the month.

All this said, I guess it's fitting we delivered the Lucy Love Project items close to October. We finally were able to deliver the items last Saturday to the NICU at Levine Children's Hospital, so I will share some photos with you...

Avery was excited to load the car up with the blankets and onesies.
We raised enough money to donate 200 blankets, 100 onesies. Awesome!

Avery understands more about why we are doing the Lucy Love Project this year and it's special to share this with her.

This year we also were able to donate some other additional items to the NICU that were on their wish list, including some things to give to bereaved parents as mementos - stationery, stamps, ink and stickers. While we were in the NICU after Lucy passed we made her footprints and used some similar items to create pieces we could take home.

Austin had no idea what was going on this year, but I'm excited to tell him more and more about our efforts as we continue some sort of tribute each year. This year he was busy blowing bubbles as he slept.

 

Drop off complete!

This week we received a hand written thank you note from the hospital. They were able to distribute the items between all of the nurseries so each will have the tools and items they need 24/7.
I will share part of the letter I received:
"These items are in great demand and will help us be able to give families
memories to treasure. Thank you isn't enough to tell you how grateful we are. It was like Christmas. Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting Lucy's light shine."

 Additionally, I was touched to hear from a friend and sorority sister from Elon whose son Finn was in the NICU at Levine's last fall after being delivered prematurely around 29 weeks. At the time, another friend of mine who works at the hospital delivered her a blanket in Lucy's honor. I was able to see first hand how this project bring memories - no matter how difficult - to families. These blankets and other items are things to hold on. In our case the blanket we received is all we got to bring home. But, man do we celebrate the babies who do come home with their families like sweet Finn for example. The blanket in their case if still full of memories of a time they felt like they lived at that NICU, fearing the worst and praying for each step of their journey. Finn's sweet mama Michelle told me she pulls out the blanket and remembers our family and their time there at Levine Children's Hospital. :)

Thank you to everyone who helped us raise the funds to give back in Lucy's honor and memory this year. I just know she was smiling down on all of us. I'm so thrilled and proud of what we have been able to accomplish.

Austin is 1 month old!

Hello, world! We have been adjusting to life with our sweet Austin. It's been quite the month, soaking in the craziness of life with a newborn. For the most part, all is going wonderfully smooth. He is eating, sleeping and pooping (he is a newborn after all) like a champ. :)

Here are some special moments and "firsts" from this month!

First outfit - the day he came home from the hospital in a special turtle outfit from his Aunt Jeanne and family.

First nights were spent sleeping in this precious Moses basket in our room.

First of many, many cuddle sessions with big sis, Avery.

First bath (at home!)

First SMILE!

First walk with the family at the park - snoozing away!

First silly face! Kissy-face?

The morning after his first night in his crib! What a big boy!

Not the actual first time in the bouncy/vibrating chair, but he sure does like to snooze in it and play in it!  Instead of calling it a "vibrating" chair, Avery calls it his "hibernating chair."

I'm smitten as my big girl tends to her baby brother.

Our first outing (just me and the kids!) was a trip to the Toy Store followed by lunch at Panera.

Avery actually takes a nap (it's rare these days) and proves to the world that she can sleep through anything as her brothers cries as loud as he can beside her.

First time sleeping in the swing.

"Touchdown" arms. Little football fan.

Our first road trip with Austin - to Southport to see Grandpa and Beegee White!

First time with two packed in back for a road trip - we're ready!

First trip to the beach! Oak Island, NC

Look at that belly - getting bigger and bigger!

Austin loves chatting with Daddy.

We think he will be a chatterbox like Miss Avery is!

Favorite napping spot: on moi.

He was very pleased with himself as he tried out the playmat.  Very alert!

"Here I Am!"

One month old - HOORAY!

Austin Lucas White

Our sweet boy is finally here! 

Introducing...

AUSTIN LUCAS WHITE

August 10th, 2013 at 7:26 a.m.

8 pounds, 12 ounces

21 inches

Austin is the shortened form of Augustine, which means "great" or "magnificent." It is also Jeff's middle name. "Lucas" means "light" and signifies the great light that has entered our lives in his very presence. The name happens to have the same meaning as his big sister Lucy's name, and will forever connect him to his sister who waits for us in heaven.

Meeting my son, Austin - such a healthy and happy arrival!

Before they weighed him the nurses were guessing he was over 9 pounds but he came in just under!

The sweetest cuddles. 

Nana, Papa and Avery came by to meet Austin that morning.

Thank goodness my mom and dad had come into town the night before his arrival - it made life much easier since we had to depart for the hospital at 2:45 in the morning! 

Love those chubby cheeks!

PROUDEST BIG SIS!

Holding on the Daddy's fingers (that just so happen to look huge in this photo!)

Our first family picture with Austin. 

Soaking every bit of him in - I seriously can't get enough!

Waiting on our Rainbow Baby

A "rainbow baby" is a term used to describe a child conceived after the loss of another. Parents who have lost  call our babies this understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not take away the ravages of a storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds.

Avery drew this picture at school for me :)

As I reach the final days, hours and minutes of pregnancy, I'm anxious to meet our little Rainbow Baby. I'm excited to see how he will shape our family and add to it in magnificent ways.

Over a week ago, my midwife told me I was "almost" 3 cm, 80% effaced and that his head was engaged at almost -1... so of course I thought I'd go into labor LAST weekend. I must say I went to work on Monday and Tuesday kind of sad that he still had not made his arrival! Two days ago, my midwife told me that I was still sitting pretty with the same stats as last week. Regardless of any progress or lack thereof, I think once you get to the final stage of pregnancy you feel like your baby HAS to come early because a) surely you are running out of room, b) you are most definitely uncomfortable, and c) it's really hard not to think about every possibility under the sun of how labor will strike. I'm sitting at that point of "in between" one stage and the next. My life is about to change again. I'm nervous sitting here thinking about it all. I do know that I feel thankful that I've made such a happy and comfy space for him, and I'm trying to soak up the last moments of the oneness I feel with him. I'm cherishing all of the sweet kicks, nudges and hiccups knowing this is a special and sacred time. The discomfort I feel is nothing when I think of what my body is preparing for, and what our family has in store!

34 weeks

37 weeks

39 weeks

Even in these final days, I couldn't eat more peanut butter or drink more lemon-y-lime drinks if I tried. These have been my biggest cravings during this pregnancy. I've carried this baby especially low compared to past pregnancies. As I get closer to my due date, I am sure he'll be a pretty big boy!

One thing I want to remember about him during pregnancy is how he moves when I read to Avery. Every single night as I lay down with her to read, I lay on my left side and no matter what the time, he always wakes up and moves around like crazy. Avery is of course highly amazed by this, and it doesn't get old for either one of us. I told her baby boy might have to join us for story time occasionally, which she agreed was a good idea (for now). I feel like he might miss our nightly ritual if we don't include him from time to time! :)

We are definitely on baby watch, taking it easy yet trying to stay distracted and busy enough too. When I get depressed he isn't here yet Jeff reminds me that he IS coming, and SOON. (As if I should need this reminder - haha - but well, yes I do!) We will have this baby in our arms soon.

I love that we know baby is a boy.
I love that we know his name.
I love that he will be Avery and Lucy's little brother.
I love that Jeff and I will finally know the bond of having a son.
I love that we will meet him soon.

Until then... baby boy, we are waiting as patiently as we can! :)