Giving thanks in the morning

Jeff went back to work last Monday, and he was definitely ready to get back to some sort of "routine." I was too (well, kind of), but there really is no "routine" for me at the moment. And nothing is what I thought it would be. My body, my mind, my soul - it was all prepared to nurture a new baby. My Lucy. What is left is an overwhelmingly empty feeling.

So, before he leaves for his work day, the hubs comes in to wake me up and say goodbye... and the poor guy gets whatever energy I'm throwing out at the world first thing in the morning. It's always been questionable as to what mood I will wake up in, but now ever so much more. Sometimes it's a smattering of tears, sometimes it's a peaceful reflection, sometimes I feel like I just stare into space. It's unpredictable and confusing.

What is your first thought when you wake up each day? I've never thought too much about it before now, but my emotional side seems the most vulnerable in the morning for some reason.

Some days I wake up really sad. Some days I wake up feeling "ok" - then I may feel sad that I feel "ok." Some days I may even wake up thankful. But the reality is, I never just know what is going to hit me the second I stir in the morning. And ideally I want to harbor good, positive and hopeful thoughts.

I read recently that you should spend the first 30 minutes of your day doing something that makes you happy and positive; it can set the tone for your entire day. So, because I've been lacking in the happy and positive department lately, I've started out just simply trying to be thankful. Trying to recognize the simple and wonderful things that I DO have.

I'm thankful for my health. Thankful for shelter. Thankful for my job. Thankful for an amazing support group of family and friends (seriously what would I do without you people!?). Thankful for a supportive, caring husband and healthy, happy daughter that fill my home with love. I'm finding that if you count your blessings, you feel fuller. It fills the void that is left behind. What we've experienced in loss the last several weeks doesn't feel "right" in so many ways, but I can spend those early moments each day trying to be thankful. What you realize in doing this sometimes is that the list goes on and on... It can be quite difficult to count your blessings, because there are just SO many!

Now, believe me, it's not always easy. Sometimes I squeeze out an "I'm thankful for this day" (with a lackluster attitude) and move on because that seems to be all I can muster. But I try.

At times I can't even find the strength to pray because I'm not really sure what I'm praying for. Peace? Healing? Strength? Transformation? Again, an epiphany of sorts - some days it is easier to pray with thanksgiving and let God provide you with what you need.

"O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever."

~ Psalm 118:29